Helping children cope when a parent loses job 

By NINA CHEN, HUMAN DEVELOPMENT SPECIALIST When one parent loses a job or changes financial status, it's difficult for the family to experience the crisis. How parents handls this crisis can influence their children. Therefore, it is important for parents to communicate with their children in an age-appropriate way. The following are some suggestions: 

Truthful Messages: 

Children need to know the facts from their parents. In the absence of information, children's imaginations can take over which may cause some behavioral problems or uncertainty. Although we don't need to tell children all the details about layoffs, we need to let them know about the change. Parents can wait until it happens to tell children about the change. If a company's impending layoffs are in the media, parents might go ahead and tell young children. For instance, "My company is telling some workers to leave their jobs. It may happen to me. I will let you know as soon as I hear anything." Children under 7 years old don't need a lot of information." I don't have a job anymore because my company doesn't need as many workers." When communicating with older children, parents can explain how these things happen.

 Reassurance and Optimism:

 When communicating with children, parents need to reassure their children. Let children know that they will be safe and that you have a plan. These messages can help children feel secure and hopeful. Children need to know about the change and what to expect. For instance "We will need to make some changes in our expenses and lives, but we will be together and we will keep you safe." Parents need to tell children that there is hope for the future. Optimism and reassurance are very important messages that children need to hear from their parents. Let children know that you have a plan, such as meeting with a career counselor, or job search, etc. It is appropriate for parents to share their negative feelings, but avoid burdening children or making promises. The other important message that parents should send to their children is "Mom or Dad didn't do anything wrong." Children are likely to assume that you did something wrong so you lost the job. Older children may blame their parents for the loss. "You lost a job and I have to stop taking piano lessons." Layoffs may influence children's attitude toward the job market and shake their confidence. Parents need to communicate with their children about the issues and encourage them to talk about their fears. 

Cooperation and Choices: 

Parents need to give children opportunities to be part of decision making for changes and cutting expenses. Their involvement can help children feel a sense of control over the outcome and they too can contribute. For instance, parents can tell children that they can take piano lessons or skating lessons, but not both and ask them to decide. This process teaches children how to cope when things go wrong and gives parents an opportunity to model resiliency. It can be painful for some families when experiencing job layoffs. However most families do well to cope with the loss and crisis. In Chinese," Crisis can mean opportunity or danger, depending on how people view the situation and deal with the crisis." It is important for parents to demonstrate a positive attitude and tell children what you have not lost, such as your family's love, your skills, your health, your hope, and your sense of humor. Parents who exhibit angry and unhealthy responses to their loss may have negative impacts on their children. For more information contact the Cass County Center of the University of Missouri Outreach and Extension Service at 3808460 or this faculty member directly at ChenN@missouri.edu.